alopia day six: on being alone

Hey there! maybe happy easter? I don’t know whether you celebrate it or just benefit from having a bank holidays, or maybe either? Anyway, I did have a few days off work. I managed to start and finish 13 reasons why (review later?) and I started watching Twin Peaks (opinion reserved). I also finally started my exchange physical photo album. It’s not long so it’s going to have the best of every place I visited. I already selected the photos and put in some of the ones I took with my instax and a disposable camera. But this isn’t about that. This is about the feeling of being alone and not lonely.
For four days I didn’t have any other responsability other than keep me alive. I could do whatever I wanted, go out, watch movies, whatever I felt like. But all that I actually wanted, was being alone. Yes, as it is obvious, I’m an introvert. I get my energy from been away from people. Most of my friends work the other way around. They need people to be energized. And for some reason, I needed a whole long weekend to get that. But I didn’t. For one reason or another I could be left alone. And it did took a toll at my mental health. By sunday I felt spaced out. I felt tired beyond sleep.
This is what an introvert feels after a few days of constant socialization. First, boredom. Unrestlessness, the need of moving without having an actual purpose. Open and close the fridge. Feel dry, feel anxious, feel sweaty. Then, the need to get into a blackout room, away from everyone. Crawl into a nook, surrounded by every possible source of entertainment available. After a few hours of alone time, whether is in a bath, or you bed, or your book nook, the restlessness stops. I start feeling at peace. My brain starts feeling it’s in my same time zone. The anxiety starts fading, and so does the numbness.
I feel very bored right now, I feel like I need a good long bath or a night in or something. The weird thing is that the perfect time for something like that would have been a long weekend.
Have you ever felt this way? Are you more of an introvert or extrovert? any ambiverts out there?
An introvert hug,
emi
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